Storytime at the Coffee House: Part II & Misogyny vs. Misandry

Photo Credit: Tabitha Turner.

In Part Two of this series, I discuss misandry in the workplace. Thinking back on it, there could’ve been some misandry or sexism involved in the post from Part One, but that’s speculation. Who knows?

Anyway, I unfortunately overheard a conversation between two women-- I was working in the area, I wasn’t eavesdropping. I didn’t get a good look at them, so I don’t know if they were friends or relatives. Apparently, some guy broke the heart of one of them-- he probably  “pumped and dumped,” as the saying goes--but she made an absolutely misandrist, sexist comment. Crying, she tells the other woman, “All men are the same. All men are the same…” There was more because she went on a rant, but I thought it was best I get away from the conversation.

 

There was a part of me that wanted to say something, but I had to consider my job at the time, which was why I got away from them. What pisses me off about this is if a man said this about women, the misogyny birds would come out of the woodwork. This post will lead to another post that I’ve been wanting to write regarding misogyny and misandry. As a matter of fact, this will be a two-for-one.

 

Misogyny vs. Misandry

What is misogyny, really? It seems to me that it’s relative, nowadays. Any criticism of a female, any you say they don’t like or disagree with gets marked as misogyny. I’m not saying misogyny doesn’t exist, I’ve seen some comments by guys online--usually guys who are frustrated with women--that are extreme, to say the least, but this is ridiculous.

The fact is women say and do misandrist, sexist, and chauvinist things like this all the time, but most people seem to turn a blind eye to it. Very few people will call it out. Yet, the slightest criticism you have of them, and it’s considered “misogyny”. Even some of these weak, pandering, punk ass men are alongside them crying about it.

Whether it’s misogyny or misandry, it’s wrong either way, but as I heard a commentator say sometimes when calling basketball games, and I'm paraphrasing, “If you’re going to call it a foul on one end, make sure you call it a foul on the other end.”

I say that to say, if you’re going to call out men for misogyny or what they perceive as misogyny, call it on the other end as well. Don’t punish men and hold them accountable, but turn a blind eye and give women a pass when they do it.

Story Time at the Coffee House: A Bosnian Brewing BS

Photo Credit: Tabitha Turner.

 

This is Part One of a two-part series (maybe more, if something else comes to mind) of my time at CC's Coffee House. Initially, I was going to entitle this post “Bosnian Bitch” because that’s what I think she is after getting to know her, and in particular, the way she handled a situation that took place that I’m about to discuss, but I decided to use another title and consider that one an alternate.

I was looking for a side gig to go along with my work online at the time, and I was finally hired at CC's Coffee House in late December last year. The store manager, let’s call her “DeAnna,” was the one who interviewed and, of course, hired me.

I know people aren’t always whom they seem, which is why it’s important to vet people, and why I’m not quick to call someone a “nice” or “good” person when first meeting them. For example, I’ll say that they seem like a nice or cool person. I’ve learned that the best evaluator for where a person truly stands or who they really are is time. Chris Rock once said something along the lines of, “When you someone for the first time, you’re not meeting them, you’re meeting their representative.” I think he was mainly referring to dating, but this can be applied to dealing with people in general.

DeAnna seemed alright at first, but it was this situation that showed me who she really is. There was a co-worker, let’s call her “Kamille,” a Pakistan bitch who had a habit of talking to me as if I were one of her children. The first few times she did it, I let it slide, which I shouldn’t have, but I called myself being patient.

One day, I made a mistake and got the tea types mixed up--it was either tea or coffee, I don’t remember offhand. Anyway, she proceeded to speak to me that way again, and I got tired of it and said something to her.

She then tells DeAnna that I yelled at her. DeAnna calls me into the office to find out what happened, and the way she handled it was deplorable. To me, her mind was already made up who she was going to side with. This comes as no surprise, either. I’ve noticed in these situations, especially if it’s a female involved, and the person in charge is a female herself, they usually side with the female, regardless, and I sensed this was going to be no different.

DeAnna tells me that we can’t yell at people. Despite me telling her that I did say something to her, but I didn’t yell at her, she kept reiterating the same thing as if I didn’t hear her the first time, and it also told me that she didn’t believe me. That was fucked up enough, but what really pissed me off was she lied and told Kamille that I apologized, when I did no such thing. 

I didn’t apologize, and I wasn’t going to apologize. The fuck I look like apologizing when she was talking to me as if I was one of her little ones? FOH. That snaggle tooth bitch lied through the rest of her teeth. By the way, someone else told me that they had to tell Kamille that she needs to learn how to speak to people more respectfully, so it wasn't just me. 

It’s to me funny how when I have an issue with someone, more often than not, people rationalize and side with the other person. I have to hear some bullshit about they’re just this and that, and what they don’t mean, but when there’s an accusation against me, I don’t get the same benefit of the doubt. Immediately, they side with the other person, and it was no different at this place.

I don’t know what the fuck that’s about, but I realized something: if you’re going to be a biased motherfucker, it doesn’t make sense to hear the other person’s side when you’ve already made your mind up that you’re going to side with the first person.

Then DeAnna teamed with this cocksucker--well, if he doesn’t play for the “Pride” team, you could’ve fooled me--who was an assistant manager-in-training to criticize me in an impromptu “evaluation”. Now all of a sudden, I can’t seem to do anything right.

Now, I never claimed to be the best worker there; I don’t get into that stuff anyway, but I can honestly say that I did what I could, considering that something was bothering me physically and it slowed me down to where I couldn’t move the way I normally would, and I had only been there for about a month and a half, so while there were some things I caught on to, there were still some things I was still learning.

I think that BS was adding stress to what was already going on with me, and it wasn’t worth it. I didn’t intend to be there long-term anyway, but I decided to use this as a way out to find out what was going on with me. I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know it was that bad until I finally stopped being stubborn, and went to see a doctor to get to the bottom of it.

Now, I didn’t fake anything; I have the medical documents to prove it, but I did use that as an outing to get the hell out of there. To be honest, thinking back on things, I never should’ve taken that job in the first place, knowing that something was ailing me, but not knowing at the time exactly what it was, but I’m not going to beat myself up over it. I’m glad to say that I was finally able to get it diagnosed and dealt with.