I'm going to start by revisiting something that happened about a week ago. I recently posted two blogs revisiting and addressing a couple of situations that happened when I worked at Wal-Mart in Lake Charles a few years ago. When I posted the first one on Facebook, there were some who told me they were proud of me, getting that off my chest, but then there was one comment in particular that caught my attention, though I skimmed through it because it was kind of long. This will segue into what I'm going to talk about concerning the title of this blog because this situation is what moved me to write this.
Although we never worked together directly, this is someone (who will remain nameless, that will be the extent of my mercy) who worked at the same Wal-Mart building. She was someone that I would talk to on a daily basis when I got to know her. We never hung out or anything, but in a sense, she is someone I've known for a few years--primarily on the job.
She's an older lady, and yes, I'm a proponent for respecting my elders, but elders can also overstep their boundaries, even if they mean well. Long story short, she comes to my comment section telling me things such as "walk away," and so on. She didn't know the full details of the situation--which she could've, had she read the blog that was in the post, and not the post alone--but she jumped in half-cocked, basically lecturing me, telling me what to do and how to handle things.
Then she took it a step further by coming to my DM (Direct Messaging) sending me these long ass messages--which I skimmed through, I didn't read most of it because it was so damn long--asking me if I wanted to talk about it. I told her I was good, I appreciated her reaching out, but I had everything handled. She then pressed the issue, playing pseudo-psychologist, saying that she thinks it's deeper than it is. I hate when people do that, and if I wanted to talk to her about it, I would've contacted her directly. I handled it the way I wanted to.
She then sends more long ass messages, telling me to "let it go," "stay humble," and "let go and let 'God," which was another indication that she didn't read the blog, but the post only because had she read the blog, she would've known that I no longer follow religion--I briefly mentioned that in the blog--and telling me to "let go and let 'God" was going to fall on deaf ears. To me, she overreacted. I used my blog as an avenue to address that situation, nothing more, nothing less, but she reacted as if I was planning something destructive or drastic. I'm looking at this thinking, Calm the fuck down, lady. It's not that serious.
Speaking of which, last time I checked, the very same book she believes in says to hear the conclusion of the whole matter, and clearly, she didn't do that. She took bit and pieces of what I posted and ran with it. Another thing I recall from one of those long DM messages was how doing this could possibly scar me as a writer. I think she was projecting her fear off on me. Yes, there are certain things you want to be mindful of, you have this cancel culture mess going on where they do petty, child-like things such as dig up things someone said years ago, and try to hold them accountable for it--particularly if you say something they don't like. Yes, I'm aware of these things but I won't live in fear. I won't let anyone deprive me of the right to speak my mind.
Being that I've known her for a few years, I decided to handle things more tactfully and informed her that as a writer, and most writers will tell you this, it's a therapeutic process or method for us to write things out, and it's part of how we move on from things. I had some time to think this over, and while I do agree with some of the things she said, the way she went she about doing it didn't sit well with me. It came to me the other day what it was specifically that didn't sit well with me. She came at me as if I were her son, and people coming at me as if I'm still underaged is a major pet peeve, and I think that triggered me subconsciously.
Another thing I thought about is her niece worked or perhaps still works for the company, so it's a possibility that somewhere in mind she thought her niece might've been involved, and she had nothing to do with it. Again, if she would've read the blog that was attached to the post, and not the post alone, she would've known that.
This leads to the title of this post. The situation I just described reminded me of what I deem an underlying problem in society. I see it as underlying because very few people will acknowledge or admit it. It made me think about how in society everybody else can speak up, speak out, and express themselves, whether it was something that happened years ago or recently, but when "Black" men speak up--well, if it goes against society's narrative because they will applaud the ones who get in line and conform--they're either accused of "whining and complaining," or you have people trying to bring them into subjection or "humble" them as if they're a child or a dog or something, or they gaslight them, making them seem as if they're crazy or this angry, violent individual. Not saying other demographics don't do this, but I've noticed that the usual suspects of what I described are mainly white folks and negro women.
Then there are some who will bring God into it, which to me is just as bad, and I think most of the time that's used to lower our defenses--that, and folks addressing you as "brother," "friend," or they "come in love," like that the woman I mentioned earlier did. I think most of time that's used to let your guard down. On a side note, we've been "letting go and letting God" for years, and where has that gotten us? What has changed? It amazes me how "Black" people will keep running plays that hasn't worked till this day.
Apparently, "Black" men are supposed to just shut up and deal with it or just move on it, let it go. Now, I'm not saying hang on to stuff forever, but at the same time, just letting it go isn't always the answer. They're told things such as "shut up and dribble/entertain," "be (or) stay humble," and I think part of the problem is "Black" men are too humble, and I mostly blame religion for that, but that's a story for another time. Now, humility has its place, I don't condone being arrogant, but being overly humble isn't good, either, especially if it results in you getting fucked over and taken advantage of.
I say all this to say, "Black" men, control your narrative, don't allow others to do it. You have a right to speak your mind like everyone else. Do not allow people to shame or intimidate you into silence, or bring you into subjection as if you're a child or an animal. Yes, there are some things you want to be mindful of, and you may have to use tact in some situations, but all-in-all, be don't afraid to speak your mind. If people don't like it, fuck them. I assure you they don't care what you think when they're speaking out about something.
Again, humility has its place, but being timid, mousey, and docile, being afraid to speak up is a problem. Take back your mind. Take back your masculinity/self-respect. Take back your voice. No one controls your voice but you.
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